All Things Want to be Seen

"All things want to be seen"

I woke up in the middle of the night a few days ago with that phrase in my mind, remnants of a dream I don’t recall, but that had to do with a conversation around coronavirus. I wonder why...🤔

I’ve reflected on this phrase often, but haven’t been able to put my finger on exactly what it wanted to say. What needs to be seen?

Our fears? Clearly…

Our capacity to love? We’re certainly seeing that too.

But the longer I sat with this phrase, the more I realized that there is one final thing that wants to be seen, perhaps the one thing we most fear to see;

It feels ancient, a vague memory of something important, an echo of something deeply familiar that eludes us, haunts us, beckons us.

God.

However you define that... Jesus. Allah. Creator. Universal Consciousness. Unconditional Love.

Isn’t that the eternal invitation in this world of illusions in which we live? To open our eyes to see that God has been, is now, and always will be with us? In our hearts, in our minds, in our very cells, if we but allow Him/Her in?

This is the final frontier we are now exploring. For this Star Trek fan, God – not space – is the final frontier! 😀

Because once we accept this, we will finally know, without any doubt, that we are all brothers and sisters on this path, children of the same God.

We would never do to another anything that we would not do to ourselves. Because to harm another is to harm ourselves.

We would bow with reverence before the life we have been given and the Earth upon which we live, and the opportunity to use this life in service to this God and to each other, which is to extend Love into the world.

We would lean on this Love, Wisdom and Power in our times of sorrow and pain, just as a child leans on its loving parent for guidance, support and comfort when it is afraid.

We would know we are safe and ever protected.

This is indeed the final frontier we need to cross, the one that will finally bring us home, to the place we never left.

This is the sacred meaning of the parable of the Prodigal Son.

We are all prodigal children, awakening to this truth:

That no matter what our earthly minds may tell us, we are loved beyond conception and the door to the love, shelter and comfort we seek is eternally open.

We are now being beckoned.

Our eyes are opened.

The lights are on, showing us the way forward.

May we tread this path with confidence, clarity and joy.
~Mony 💖🙏

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#monydojeiji Alberto Agraso #consciousness #walkingforpeace #God #Love #thefinalfrontier #loveandlight #lightworkers #eyeswideopen

Quarantine and the Crown

These days, as we all practice social distancing while others are quarantined, I began to look at the meaning of the word “quarantine”.

The word has its roots in the Latin “quadraginta” and the Italian “quaranta”, both meaning “40”.

In the Middle Ages, when the plague gripped Europe, ships would be isolated in harbour for 40 days (“quaranta giorni”) before passengers could go ashore. Hence, quarantine.

But there are more interesting notes about the number 40:

- The rains fell on Noah for 40 days and 40 nights before he found land.

- The Jewish people wandered in the desert for 40 years before entering the Promised Land.

- Moses spent 40 days on Mt. Sinai, and came down with the Ten Commandments.

- Jesus was in the desert for 40 days before he began his public ministry.

- A baby is in gestation for 40 weeks before it is born.

- Lent is the 40 days before Easter and the resurrection… the time where we find ourselves now.

All of these events speak to a time of great transformation, and to renewal.

We are all now in forced isolation – a time we never would have taken for ourselves – where we must withdraw from the busyness of the outer world; but have the great opportunity to go explore the sacred realms of our inner worlds. The world of Spirit.

It is here where our deepest longings and questions are answered. It is here where we are awakened.

And what is it that we are being awakened to?

Yes, of course, to our connected-ness and brotherhood. But there is more.

It is a curious thing that this virus is called corona-virus. Corona means crown, and as I reflected on the symbolism of the crown, I realized that:

Our crown chakra – our connection to the Divine and Universal Consciousness – is being given the chance to truly heal and open.

The crown in our hearts can only belong to one King or Queen… and we must choose whether it is love or fear that reigns in our inner kingdom.

The crown that tops the Statue of Liberty – one of the greatest modern symbols of freedom – is called the “corona radiata”, the radiant crown, its seven rays forming a halo around the head. I like to think it speaks to awakening the seven chakras so that we may radiate like the sun, as the fully-liberated children of the Divine that we are! 

A crown ultimately symbolizes royalty, those of Divine or royal heritage. Is this not who we are?

Are we all not the spiritual children of the same God, no matter how you define God?

What a glorious, loving opportunity we are being given right now to awaken to this realization… and to live it.

Love, always,
Mony


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#monydojeiji #walkingforpeace #consciousness #crown #corona #coronovirus #Divine #transformation #quaratine #healing #love #GodLove #Spirit 

How my Deepest Fear was Guarding my Greatest Treasure

Oh, what memories this photo brings.

It was Comdex, 1994 I think, and Bill Gates was in Toronto to deliver the keynote address. Five speakers were asked to present with him, and I was one of them…the only woman.

I had been at Microsoft Canada for a year, having made a leap of faith from a well-paying consulting career at Arthur Andersen to this barely-known company, back then. I had even taken a pay cut, wanting to join them because I was a fan of their Office product on the Mac, and jumped at the opportunity to be part of a company whose product I loved.

They offered me one of two jobs: channel sales or seminar presenter. I didn’t even know what channel sales meant, but when I heard that I could share my enthusiasm for, and knowledge of MS Office, I inwardly leapt for joy…and panicked. Taking the job would mean having to face my deepest fear: public speaking.

I had managed to avoid it during my MBA years, letting others speak while I did any other work required. It hid a deeper fear about expression in general, and not wanting to say anything that would be mocked or rejected, fearing both in equal measure.

When I accepted the role of seminar presenter, I finally made the choice to speak.

My first few seminars were rough, by my standards, but I got through them, memorizing every presentation, some of them three hours long.

In that year of speaking, I discovered that my deepest fear was guarding my greatest treasure, one that culminated in that moment on stage with Bill Gates.

It’s a reminder to me, today, to continue looking at those fears, big and small, and with great love and determination, walk through them to the other side.

Blessings <3

"What is going wrong in the world?" my friend asked

There are so many ways to answer this, and on so many levels, but fundamentally, to me, it’s this…

The world is going through a magnificent transition, so many people are waking up to the lives they wish to live and how they choose to BE in this world. And with every change, personal or collective, the hidden needs to come out. Our hidden biases, prejudices, judgments… all of it. And it’s now staring us in the face.

And we stand at a crossroads, trying to choose how to BE and ACT in light of all that we see.

I can tell you for sure that the more that we label and judge individuals as “terrorists”, “radicals”, “fanatics”… the more we keep them in our collective consciousness. The more attention we pay to those artificial labels, the more of them we see. The more that we believe that “these people” are incapable of change or transformation, the more we keep them where they are, and we look for any action to support what we believe.

We do this individually, and we do it collectively.

But we can change those labels, because what’s a label? Nothing more than an idea, a thought… And an idea can always change.

So, consider that “terrorist”… what if I choose to see him as nothing more than a fellow human being, a brother, who has chosen terribly, whose life journey has led him to such desperation and hopelessness that the only solution he saw was this terrible act?

Would that influence what I say and how I act? I believe it would…

And what if I believe that there is nothing random in this Universe? What if I believe this person is a spiritual being having a physical experience, as I am, as you are, as I believe we all are? How do I know how his actions affect his soul journey, the highest within him? Who am I to judge that? How do I know the sacred agreements involved with others? How do I know what their soul journeys are all about? What they have agreed to do? I have no idea… but again, this is all based on my belief that that nothing is random in this Universe.

I’ll go even further and say there is only Love in this Universe.

If I didn’t believe this, I couldn’t possibly make sense of this world… but that’s my paradigm.

My first act is to stop the judging and the labeling. I work on changing the narrative in my mind about who this “other” is. I envision the light and awakening arising in him, in the same way that it is in me. I see him changing in every moment, in every moment becoming more and more filled with wisdom, with light…and acting in consequence.

I see that for every person. And I stubbornly hold on to that, no matter what others choose to say or do. That is my work, what I do on the inner planes.

There’s also a lot RIGHT with this world. There are so many people working from a consciousness of love, bringing that into the world, building the world we want to live in. It is happening now, and it is gaining momentum. That’s why the hidden needs to come out. So that we can see it, and heal it, collectively and individually. We’re ready for it.

That’s how I see it anyways… and believe me, this is the summarized version! lol

Hugs, my friend. Just keep on keeping on!

VIDEO Pilgrim Story Hour, with Mony Dojeiji - Dream World

Our dreams are powerful tools of healing on pilgrimage, revealing fears and issues needing our attention. On this episode, I share one such dream.

VIDEO Pilgrim Story Hour, with Mony Dojeiji - Trusting a Stranger

On this episode, we share stories about situations when we had to trust a stranger, and what we learned as a result.

VIDEO "Death and Dying, a Conscious Conversation" on Ottawa Experts

Ottawa Experts - Death and Dying: a conscious conversation

A fascinating conversation removing the fears around a topic that many find a taboo. Stay tuned for YouTube link.

With my guests:

Sylvie Robert, Certified Instructor, Dying Consciously Course 

Email: sylvierobert@choprateachers.com 

Website: www.choprateachers.com/sylvierobert)

Angela Sumegi, Associate Professor at Carleton University, Death and the Afterlife course

Email: Angela.sumegi@carleton.ca

Website: www.palyulottawa.org

 

The Current of Creativity: a podcast with Mony Dojeiji

The Current of Creativity with Mony Dojeiji:

"We didn't come here to keep this beautiful energy [of creativity] to ourselves." ~Mony

It's not very often that I get to speak about creativity and how it manifests in my life as a writer, so my thanks goes to Elizabeth Johnston from "Own your Creativity" for giving me the opportunity to do so on her podcast.

Enjoy!

An Angelic Reflection

“Those who do what they love are in tune with their purpose on earth.”

This was the message that Alberto received yesterday when asking the Universe for guidance. He had randomly chosen a book from the shelf and opened to this page, the full details of which are at the end of this entry.

We had been debriefing from our latest event, and looking at the ways in which we can do things better.

We also admitted that it was, at times, difficult to maintain our positive energy and vision, and to not allow the fears of others to influence who we are.

Because of low attendance figures at the show, we witnessed around us all manner of techniques to get the few customers who were there to make a purchase…and not all of them felt very good. The fear of not making enough money to even cover costs was palpable.

At the same time, several authors and artists were expressing their frustration at having to create crowd-pleasing work to attract customers because those same customers were not buying their unique creations. The fear of not being able to make a living being your authentic self and selling your own unique creations was also there.

It’s funny….the more you think you’ve healed something, the more it reveals itself in subtle manners to really see if you have indeed healed.

Of course, Alberto and I can have illustrations and material that cater to fans of these events. It’s not a question of ability. It’s always come down to one question for us: is what you are doing an expression of who you are?

We know that our work is an expression of who we are, and that our greater purpose – not only at events, but anywhere – is to stand confidently in that knowing. No need to defend. No need to convince. Simply to express.

The doubt appears merely to remind us that we are not standing in that place of knowing.

So, I went around to those artists who shared their frustrations with me, and reminded them of the beauty of their creations, that they are here to express that and honour the sacred gift that only they possess to bring that beauty into the world. And as I spoke those words, I could feel the fog lifting, and a calm knowing settling.

The message from the angels was a powerful confirmation of the path that we choose to continue walking, even when we sometimes stumble and forget.

One step at a time…

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Full text

“Too many of us have been brought up to believe that work is not meant to be enjoyed, let alone loved. Work is meant to give us a paycheck , not excite, energize or fulfill us.

The angels, however, know that the opposite is true.

Not only can we earn a living doing what we love; we owe it to ourselves to pursue that end.

When we find ourselves in jobs we dislike, that frustrate, sadden or otherwise enervate us, our souls are telling us that that we just aren’t in the right place.

When we are doing what we love, by contrast, we feel and radiate joy and enthusiasm, improving not only our own lives but also our environments.

The angels want us to know that our LOVING can be our living, and they will instantly answer our requests for help and guidance in aligning our souls with our sources of income.

Do you believe that you can make a living doing what you love?

If you would like to believe this, make a list of the jobs you have enjoyed and the ones you haven’t. Try to find the distinguishing features within each category. When you have discovered what jobs made you happy and why, fashion the perfect job for yourself, using all the positive elements you’ve listed.

Now, visualize yourself in this job, believe that you will have it, and ask the angels to send you the energy and opportunities you need to create it.

An Angelic Reflection: When I do what I love, I create the kind of environment in which abundance flourishes.”

From the book “Angel Wisdom” by Terry Lynn Taylor and Mary Beth Crain

 

Reflections on 9/11

 

This day forever changed the world in which we live. For me, it inspired a walk, a journey as much inner as it was outer, to Jerusalem. On that day, I was filled with trepidation and fear. They walked alongside me, often taunting the futility of doing such a walk, or ridiculing the idea of working on the inner planes to create peace. But alongside me also walked Love, revealing itself in the many acts of kindness and solidarity, in the many moments of the magical and miraculous. And in the silence, Love also whispered: Believe. Trust. In yourself and others. Make every step your prayer for peace, every breath your inspiration for new thought. You never walk alone.

I came across an article today called Gandhi’s Prayer (for Syria), which began: “Gandhi was once given a seemingly impossible scenario: what would he do if a plane were flying over his ashram to bomb him? He rose to the challenge with an equally challenging answer: he would pray for the pilot.” The author goes on to articulate how Gandhi’s call to prayer was consistent with his vision of non-violent strategy. The full article is here: http://mettacenter.org/blog/gandhis-prayer/.

No matter how we pray, no matter how we choose to walk the inner planes towards peace, love, compassion (yes, even for those we judge as being vile and unworthy of it), it is by doing so that we write the story of the world in which we choose to live.

The Golden Key

These last few days, as news around what might happen in Syria occupies the airwaves, I began to reflect on my experience with the Ottawa Peace Camp, and to appreciate more deeply how the relationship between Israeli and Palestinian youth was evolving. As these kids struggled to create connections, to re-write the story that each had been taught about the other - the ones that made one the victim and the other the aggressor - to me, they entered hallowed space. They entered the space of all possibility. Even from the brief time I was there, I could see their hesitation in this unknown land, and at the same time, their exuberance in what was possible, in what they were creating, in the story they were writing of what their world could look like, and who they were inside of it.

It feels very much that this is where we’re all at, individually and as nations. Although it may be argued that institutions take longer to change than individuals, all institutions are made up of individuals. And individuals – whether in a corporation or institution – challenging the stories they have been taught, or convinced themselves of, cause the first domino to fall.

Those of you who have read my writings, know that I work the inner planes first before I express in the outer. I am doing no less here, and invite all who read this to look within first to heal those elements (…those adjectives that you are using about this situation) within yourself, to create that harmony and peace within first. And then from that place, to express your deepest callings.

I recalled a story I had read several years ago in Spanish about Conny Mendez, one of the great leaders of the Metaphysics movement, and her experience with a technique called "The Golden Key". She speaks of how she applied it while fleeing New York during WWII. Of the nine boats that left New York, hers was the only was to survive the German bombings. I’ve translated it from the Spanish original and share it with you HERE.   

She was referring to a teaching by Emmet Fox, a great spiritual teacher of the 1930s who wrote about the “Golden Key” to transforming any situation or experience in life. In its simplest terms, it is: “Stop thinking about the problem and think about God instead.”

There are many sources for this technique, but try this LINK. The Golden Key is only a few screens down. 

Fox believed that the only real truth is that God IS; and wherever God is, by default, there can be no fear, no conflict, no lack, no problems. And that our job is to affirm this, to believe this, if only for a moment. And when we are able to do this, and hold on to it, all things good will naturally unfold.

It sounded almost trite, condescending even, to tell someone who is afraid that all they need to do is stop thinking about the fear and start thinking about God. So, I decided to put it to the test these past days. And although Fox uses the word "God", to me, it is equally valid to use Allah, Jesus, the Creator, the Universe, Divinity, Love, Light… whatever word evokes the greatest feeling and connection. These are the words he shared: 

“God is the only Presence and the only Power. God is fully present here with me, now. God is the only real Presence - all the rest is but shadow. God is perfect Good, and God is the cause only of perfect Good. God never sends sickness, trouble, accident, temptation, nor death itself; nor does He authorize these things. We bring them upon ourselves by our own wrong thinking. God, Good, can cause only good. The same fountain cannot send forth both sweet and bitter water.

I am Divine Spirit. I am the child of God. In God I live and move and have my being; so I have not fear. I am surrounded by the Peace of God and all is well. I am not afraid of people; I am not afraid of things; I am not afraid of circumstances; I am not afraid of myself; for God is with me. The Peace of God fills my soul, and I have no fear. I dwell in the Presence of God, and no fear can touch me. I am not afraid of the past; I am not afraid of the present; I am not afraid for the future; for God is with me. The Eternal God is my dwelling place and underneath are the ever-lasting arms. Nothing can ever touch me but the direct action of God Himself, and God is Love.

God is Life; I understand that and I express it. God is Truth; I understand that and I express it. God is Divine Love; I understand that and I express it.

I send out thoughts of love and peace and healing to the whole universe: to all trees and plants and growing things, to all beasts and birds and fishes, and to every man, woman and child on earth, without any distinction. If anyone has ever injured me or done me any kind of harm, I fully and freely forgive him now, and the thing is done forever. I loose him and let him go. I am free and he is free. It there is any burden of resentment in me I cast it upon the Christ within, and I go free.

God is Infinite Wisdom, and that Wisdom is mine. That Wisdom leads and guides me; so I shall not make mistakes. Christ in me is a lamp unto my feet. God is Infinite Life, and that Life is my supply; so I shall want for nothing. God created me and He sustains me. Divine Love has foreseen everything, and provided for everything. One Mind, One Power, One Principle. One God, One Law, One Element. Closer is He than breathing, nearer than hands and feet.

I am Divine Sprit, the Child of God, and in the presence of God I dwell forever. I thank God for Perfect Harmony.”

I could feel the energy of those words vibrating within me, and whenever I have found myself in feelings of worry, helplessness, indignation or <fill in the blank>, which all feed the fear and give it authority and validity, I have actively, and sometimes with effort, used the Golden Key. I even added my own phrases:

“God IS. The Creator is not only WITH me, but also IN me and IN this entire situation. Light is in each leader. Divinity is the peacemaker in this. God is the peace. Love is the great healer. Allah is in the words spoken and unspoken. Jesus is in the minds and thoughts. God is our safety. God is the shelter. God is the only Presence and the only Power.”

With my fears aside, and those words filling my every thought, I felt more empowered, more hopeful about the possibility of a new, possibly unexpected, solution emerging. I felt that I was dwelling in the state of possibility, even when not knowing what the "solution" might be. I now try to hold on to that state. I don’t look at the news or read anything about the situation. I simply apply the Golden Key, and focus my attention on the Divine that IS and that IS THERE.

With love and gratitude,

Mony

When Terror Strikes

Source: Les ateliers Anisa

These last few days, I have kept the television off. I was aware of what was happening in Boston, but didn't want to get dragged into the high emotion and drama of it all. It's not easy to do; but events such as this really make me reflect. Those of you who have followed my blog and writings know that I believe my outer world reveals shades of what is happening in my inner world; that my inner world is continually speaking to me through outer experiences and events. And so, when I could finally quiet my thoughts and emotions, I journeyed to that inner place and, in the stillness, sought clarity and meaning.

What immediately strikes me is the symbolism of it all: it takes place at a Finish line when, after all the effort and work and struggle, runners arrive to claim their personal prize, joyous in the knowing that they made it and that, through sheer will and effort, they have come across this line… only to have it all taken away from them. It also takes place on Patriot Day, a day commemorating the first battles that began the American Revolution.

My question to myself is then: what is going on within me that has manifested as this event? And no, it’s not that I should give up because all effort will end tragically!

I do believe that there is a revolution going on; but it is in the heart of each and every one of us. It is the struggle between what the heart desires and wishes to express openly and freely… and what fear tells us we must not dare do. We strive, we risk, we pursue our highest calling, we engage the forces of creation and the heavens to help us in our quest… we feel alive and alight in the work we do to raise ourselves and those around us. And then something happens – something completely unexpected – to make us doubt our choices, to bring us back into the folds of fear, of smallness.

It is this inner struggle of so many people which is playing out in the world today. Trust, love, understand the “other”, reach for a higher understanding… OR be in fear, anger, judgment, separation, condemnation. Those forces are continually at play within each and every one of us, with every thought and every choice that we make.

And these forces, when enough people are feeling them, eventually manifest in our physical world; but they do so that they may show you their face, so that we may see in physical reality what this struggle looks like in our invisible inner world.

Some may call that force evil, but I don’t believe it is evil which is testing us. It is Love which is challenging us to choose Love anyways… to choose from that higher place within ourselves, despite the temptation towards hatred and anger and retaliation.

Who has not struggled to lift themselves from where they are? Who has not, through their own efforts and persistence achieved a goal and gotten to the finish line? Who has not seen their dreams and accomplishments thwarted, diminished, ignored… when they should have been celebrated? How many have dared to continue on with their dreams, believing in a higher purpose to their life, even when forces around them have tried to pull them back?

Again, I don’t believe these energies are evil. It is not evil that is testing you to see if you stand firm in your dream, in your calling, in your light. It is LOVE which is testing you, LOVE which is inviting you to CHOOSE IT ANYWAYS, despite the anger, the cynicism, the fury, the desire to fall back into fear and remain small… Love is asking you to stay in that place that lifts you, and in staying there (despite evidence that pulls at you to give up and go back to anger, indignation, retaliation), you heal and uplift not only yourself but the world around you. 

Those who take on the role of perpetrating these acts, of dying in these acts, are great souls. They are part of your story, and your journey. They offer themselves, taking on your hatred, your venom so that you may CHOOSE LOVE ANWWAYS and, in so doing, unleash a great energy that heals them and yourself. In choosing Love over hatred (as many great Masters have done), all energies are healed and elevated to the light that they are.

Martin Luther King Jr. said:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

May love now and forevermore guide our steps.

~Mony

 

Lucky

Every so often, especially at this time of year when most people are back to work, I begin to hear, “Oh Mony, you’re so lucky you don’t have to work in an office,” or “you’re so lucky that you stay at home”, or “you’re so lucky that you can do something you like.”

I certainly do feel very thankful for the life that I lead, but has it all been luck? Reflecting on all this, I thought I’d take some time to tell you a little about my life, and let you decide. 

I thought I wanted to be a doctor and studied with that intention, until I realized that I wasn’t passionate about being a doctor—that it was what everyone else wanted me to be—and that I was attracted to the business world, especially to business strategy and technology.  Against the advice of many well-intentioned people in my life, I decided to get an MBA.  I discovered that I loved it, and was eventually hired as a consultant in what was then one of the largest consulting firms in the world. 

For several years, I was happy but working ridiculous hours.  I also felt I was stagnating, working in an environment that moved very slowly and that did not make allowances for creativity or risk-taking.  One day, a colleague mentioned that his brother worked at Microsoft and that they were hiring for many positions.  I immediately gave him my résumé.  I was a huge fan of Microsoft products on the Macintosh (this was before Windows even existed!).  That same week, I received a call from a headhunter for a job opportunity as a seminar presenter.  I had a terrible fear of public speaking, and so thought the only way to overcome the fear was to be in a job that depended on my speaking.  Yes, I know, I’m a trial-by-fire kind of person.   After the interview, I was told that the job was at Microsoft.  I wanted to quit my consulting job right away, but it meant taking a cut in pay and benefits.  It also meant a drop in prestige because no one back then had heard of Microsoft; but I really wanted to overcome my fear of public speaking.  I eventually decided to follow my heart and make that leap.  And I’m so glad that I did because I came to love giving presentations and to be considered one of the company’s top presenters in Canada. 

Little did I know about stock options!  For those who don’t know what they are, they are a company’s way of gaining employee loyalty by giving them shares in the company at discounted prices, essentially making them stakeholders.  During the boom years of the software industry, I felt as if this was my reward for having taken the risk to leave my secure consulting job.

I moved around Microsoft a great deal, taking on different marketing and account management roles.  I learned from every one of those experiences.  But seven years in that frenetic pace also exacted its toll.  Not only was I burning out, but I was also going through a profound change.  My unexpected divorce had pushed me to explore my spirituality as a means of understanding why it had happened.  It was opening me to a perspective about life that I wanted to embrace, but that I couldn’t reconcile with my work life.  By then I was working in the head office in the U.S.  Although I had a plum job, with international travel, and mostly relationship-building responsibilities, I was unhappy.  But how could I walk away from all that money, all that security?  And all the opportunities that an international company offered?  I would be throwing away my career—one that defined me—and would have to start over.  What would I do after I quit?  I had none of those answers, but my heart was tugging at me to leave, even as my fears kept pushing me to stay.  I eventually left. 

A few months later, in 2001, an economic crisis, followed by the 9/11 attacks, would wipe out most stocks.  I had left at the right time. 

I threw on a backpack, and started traveling, mostly around Egypt and the Mediterranean countries, trying to find that next elusive step in my life.  I walked the 800-kilometre Camino to Santiago in northern Spain, and there, received the inspiration to walk the Way of the Soul to Jerusalem for peace.  It was also on this Camino that I would fatefully meet Alberto, the man who would share my path in more ways than I could have possibly imagined. 

And to those who claim that it’s easy to change when you have no other responsibilities or obligations: until early this year we were living an idyllic life in Spain, within walking distance to the beach and everything that we needed.  But we were becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the education our daughter was receiving at her school.  We also felt stifled in our desires to pursue our dreams.  We opened ourselves to change without knowing what form it would take.  We really wanted to live in New York, but could not make it happen, so we let it go.  A chance visit to Canada over Christmas opened a door that we could not have anticipated, allowing us to live here with a home, car and furniture given to us, and a great little school within walking distance.  The opportunity presented itself, waiting for us to have the courage to grab it.  And we’re very glad that we did!      

So am I just lucky? 

I don’t think so.  Every time I have followed my heart—every time I have risked—even when the move didn’t make sense in the beginning, I have been enriched.  I believe there’s a longing in the heart of each and every one of us that nudges us in the direction of our dreams.  We may not know what they are or what they look like, but we do know that they somehow uplift us and bring us joy.  In my case, my desire for change and growth brought about the opportunities; or perhaps more accurately, on a subconscious level, on a soul level, I created the opportunities.  I (with the help of my Higher Self, my angels, and the Universe conspiring to bring me closer to joy) brought the opportunities into my existence.  But only I had the final choice to act on them. 

Some may still call my life the result of luck.  I say it is choice that grabbed the chance and made it real. 

Healing with Ho'oponopono

I’m back to writing after a couple of weeks off enjoying a glorious summer at the cottages of family and friends in Ontario and Quebec.  I had been missing the beaches of Andalucía, but the lakes, forests and natural beauty that recently surrounded me more than made up for it.  I’ll be sure to post some photos soon.

I left off the last entry sharing some of the comments I received regarding “my dilemma”:  how to instill in our daughter the feelings of trust and safety without projecting onto her my fears.  In the last weeks, I’ve spent a great deal of time reflecting on the roots of those fears, and could get into a lot of the “why” and “how” they got there; but I’ve done that work, and now wish to move away from them by finally bringing them in, healing and integrating them rather than rejecting them. 

In one of my walks alone, along the forested trails near the cottage, I fell into an unexpected meditation. The words “Mony, I love you” came into my mind. I have worked with many healing techniques over the years, mostly with visualizing colours and projecting energies, but what naturally emerged in this case was Ho’oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian healing method.  There is no official site for this teaching, but it has been popularized by Dr. Len Hew who has given interviews on the topic.  I’ve given some links on the right, but you can also Google his name, along with SITH (Self Identity through Ho’oponopono).

The premise of the teaching is that I am 100% responsible for my creations;  that what appears in my world is there because I have put it there, consciously or unconsciously;  that thoughts aren’t so much the problem as the emotions, memories and energies that we attach to them; that these energies (such as fear) vibrate within me and attract a like energy through Law of Attraction. 

So, to heal the outside, I have to first heal the inside. 

I had a hard time with this in the beginning because I saw no end.  Does that mean I’m responsible for the earthquakes around the world? For the revolutions?  The famines?  The droughts?  Where does it end? 

The teaching would say yes, but I’m not ready to go that far yet. I will tell you that I have applied it to more personal situations and conflicts, and have seen that it works.   I have also added my personal lens to this teaching to make it fit my personal philosophy.  To me, the difficult experiences that repeat themselves are not here to torture me, but to give me yet another opportunity to heal them. They are my soul’s crying out for liberation from its own self-inflicted pain. They come from the highest place of Love to serve me in my journey of liberation from fears or limits of any kind.  The angels, the Masters, God, the Universe, Jesus, Buddha… they all guide me in that journey, bring me those opportunities (which I believe I agreed to before my birth); but the work of healing is mine alone.  No one can free me but myself.  And Self-love is the greatest liberator.

That is why the first words in Ho’oponopono are “I love you”.  You are speaking to yourself.  You are giving yourself love.  The negative self-talk can go on endlessly, but the moment you can say “I love you” to yourself, as you are with all your perceived failings and flaws, a new energy begins to circulate within you and around you.  

As I walked that day, I repeated those words over and again until I began to feel them, not just think them.  Then came these words:  “I’m not sure where this fear comes from, whether it originated in this lifetime or another; but that doesn’t matter.  It’s here. It’s a part of me that I see, that I accept, that I love.”

“Mony, I love you as you are.”

“I’m sorry for whatever has caused this fear. I am sorry for any erroneous or mistaken belief, thought, feeling or emotion within me that manifested in Sylvana standing on the sidewalk by herself that day.”

“Please forgive me.” 

“I didn’t know how else to respond. I didn’t know how else to feel or to think.  I didn’t know any better.  I did the best that I knew how at that moment.  But it’s all right.  I’m learning.  I’m growing.  I’m bound to make mistakes.  When I know better, I’ll do better.  Mony, I love you.”

By then, I was crying.  This self-forgiveness is the next tenet of the teaching.  Again, I’m speaking to myself.  I’m not asking God or any power outside of me for forgiveness because God is Love and does not need that I ask for forgiveness.  I am loved as I am, period.

I began to feel a compassion for myself then, and saw myself as a child who needed understanding, patience and a great deal of love.  I began to soften my stance towards myself, to be less demanding and harsh in my judgments of myself. 

“Thank you”.  This is the final element of the teaching. 

“Thank you to my own Soul, my Higher Self, for showing me this fear. Thank you, fear, for revealing yourself to me. Thank you, Universe, for the opportunity to heal this, to free myself of this weight in my heart, my body, my emotions, my thoughts.  Thank you for the opportunity to allow more Light to enter to fill this void. Thank you for the opportunity to soar.”

“I now ask Love to transmute this energy of fear (this limited, erroneous belief about life), to return it to its natural state, which is Light.  This Light now permeates every cell of my body, permeates my thoughts, my emotions. I vibrate with this Light.  I am this Light. I now cut all ties with those who may have contributed to this fear from the beginning of creation to the end of all time.  I am free.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“My inner world is safe and in harmony.”

“In my inner world, all is healed, whole and holy.”

“From my heart, I project this inner harmony and peace to the world.”

“My inner eyes see with a clearer vision than my outer eyes.”

“I trust my inner vision.  I trust my inner truth.”

By loving myself, by feeling worthy of that Love, by apologizing to myself for any undesired thought, feeling or action,  by forgiving myself for it, and then thanking myself for the opportunity to heal and integrate what has kept me small and in fear, I am finally free to be as grand as I wish to be.  I am then the Master and creator of my life.

Whenever I have felt some of the old feelings or thoughts creeping back, I have repeated the key elements, not necessarily word for word or in the same order, but always striving for the feeling of liberation and certainty that I felt the first time.

It’s a technique that’s worked for me.  It may work for you if you’re currently facing a difficult situation.  If you decide to try it, I’d love to hear your experiences.

Responses to "My Dilemma"

I’d like to start this entry by saying THANK YOU for sharing your reflections on “my dilemma”.  My Spanish readers can click on the Comments section below the entry to read some of these comments directly. 

The stories came from men and women, parents with school-age children, one whose children had left home, and several with no children. 

The overwhelming message from all of you was “tranquila”, one of my favourite Spanish expressions meaning “Relax”. All will be well. From Melele who has raised three confident, independent women came the comment that what I see in her daughters is the result of both her wise decisions and mistakes along the way; that each and every one of those acts bore fruits of love because love was always her intention for them; and when love is the intention, nothing can turn out badly.  Words to live by, and that brought me a lot of comfort.  Thank you Melele.

Lesley used the analogy of swimming.  When they’re learning to swim, children are always in the company of an adult.  As they get more confident, we let them swim farther away but always keeping any eye on them.  We teach them water safety, how to respect the water without fearing it; until they are finally able to swim alone.  David used the analogy of children climbing a tall play structure for the first time to demonstrate the same thing.  We want to teach awareness but not fear.

Or as Ana would say, quoting an Arab proverb – believe in Allah but tie up your camel.

It’s like being between two worlds, adds Alberto, where you are trying to live the vision of the world you wish to have, but occasionally still fall back into your old ways, into your fears.  Until you can live with certainty your new vision of the world, tie up your camel!

How can I teach awareness without fear?  I liked Consuelo’s suggestion of developing Sylvana’s intuition, which will allow her to better discern situations that make her uncomfortable.  Asking Sylvana for example - how does this person make you feel? How do you feel in this situation?  Get her to trust in those feelings that we all get and too often dismiss. I had shut down that part of myself my entire life and have had to re-learn how to trust those instincts just as strongly, if not more so, than my mind.  So that is something I will definitely work on with Sylvana.

Lucia expanded on that, adding that I must be conscious not to create fears in Sylvana that don’t exist.  I hadn’t thought of it that way; that I wasn’t responding to Sylvana’s fears, but projecting my fears onto her.  That really helped me shift the focus because those fears are mine to resolve and make peace with - not hers.  This was a big learning for me, so thank you Lucia!

I’m not sure where these fears for Sylvana’s safety stem from. I need to reflect more deeply on that, and how to best heal them. I’ve worked with many techniques over the years, and will be sure to share with you the ones that most help me in this situation.

Part of my inner work includes continually reminding myself, and passing on to Sylvana, my belief that people are intrinsically good – and I do believe that, although at times I waffle (an example of my being between two worlds!).  People may do things we don’t like or agree with for many reasons - out of ignorance, fear, even mental illness. Thank you Victoria for that reminder. But people are not intrinsically evil – misguided perhaps, unable to envision or imagine grander possibilities for themselves, making poor choices.  They live in darkness, which by definition, is the absence of light.  But they are still light.  I’m not saying I wish to engage those living in darkness, although I have, and know how hard it is to maintain your light in their presence.

I end this entry with the reflection from Tina that we teach through our example, not our words. I couldn’t agree more.  And so as I can continue unmasking my fears and healing them, I invite you to do the same.  Can you imagine the gift we would be offering our children if we were to succeed in breaking the cycle of fear and showing them parents at peace with themselves and the world they live in?

As always, I welcome your thoughts.  You can click on the Comments button below or send me an email.

My Dilemma

I seem to be referring a lot to experiences with my daughter Sylvana, but lately, they seem to be the ones that are most making me reflect on what I believe. 

A few weeks ago, I received a call from Sylvana’s school telling me that she wasn’t feeling well and that I could pick her up at the office.  Since the school is nearby, I unhurriedly finished whatever I was doing, and made my way there.

It was a cold, rainy day and as I approached the school, I noticed a girl standing in the rain on the sidewalk near the school.  I thought it strange that a child would be waiting there by herself, but was downright horrified when I saw that it was Sylvana!

My entire body went cold with fear as I rushed her into the car, demanding to know what she was doing out there by herself.  I didn’t think I was yelling, but her looks of confusion and fear told me I wasn’t handling this situation well.  She explained that she went to her classroom to pick up her backpack and was waiting for me near the place where I would normally pick her up.  I went to the office where they were just as shocked to hear that Sylvana had gone outside alone.  It was all a big misunderstanding, which I explained to Sylvana, adding that there was nothing to worry about and that, in future, she should always wait for me in the office.  I tried to tone down the severity in my tone but her serious expression told me she understood the gravity of the situation – and my fears.

For days, the feelings of relief traded places with the feelings of terror as scenes of what could have happened played out in my mind. 

So here’s my dilemma…

We want to teach our daughter that she lives in a safe world, one that supports and uplifts her, and that people are there to help her, not hurt her.  We believe that we get back from the world what we put into it because that has been our experience, and so are encouraging her to do the same.

But all that flies out the window when I hear about child abductions, or see posters for missing children, or learn about “Code Adam” where all shopping centre doors are closed until a missing child is found.

I feel a greater general fear for Sylvana’s safety here in North America than I ever did in Spain.  In our home town of Cadiz, I felt that I belonged to a community where most people knew each other, or at the very least knew that you lived in the area and that your child went to the nearby school. We saw each other at the grocery store, the beach or the plazas. It felt as if we were all looking out for each others’ kids. If one got hurt, more than one parent was usually around to help – or a cousin, an aunt, a grandmother…

And the kids seemed to have a greater level of maturity about them, a sense of confidence from being outside all the time playing with friends, knowing that parents of all kinds were around and they could go to any of them.

I don’t feel that here.

At dinner one night with some girlfriends, I spoke about the incident.  They all went on about how they reach out to help any child that they see alone on a bus or at a bus stop.  Or they look out to make sure that a kid walking alone gets home all right.

If each person is doing that, if that inherent goodness is there, then why can’t I believe that these same invisible angels will be looking after my own daughter?  Or all children out there?

That’s the battle waging within me.  That’s the issue I’m trying to make peace with.  I now question whether I really believe what I say – that people are inherently good and the world is a safe place - because if I truly did, wouldn’t I just ignore the ugly stuff and reinforce our vision of the world within her? 

That’s my husband’s response btw - don’t give your attention to what you don’t want because you’re feeding it, giving it energy. Focus on what you do want and build that.  I agree… but why am I having a hard time doing it?

At school, she is learning street safety - not to go with strangers, not to accept any kind of enticement from them, not to get into their cars.  This is all great, but I worry that they are instilling fear of the world in her, the feeling that she is living in a dangerous world.  If she believes that now, how will she ever believe in all the wondrous possibilities that this world has to offer her?  How will she ever believe in the magical?  How will she ever appreciate the small miracles which take place around her every day?

I guess what we’re ultimately trying to develop in her is discernment.  But how the heck do I do that with a child if I, as an adult, still have a hard time with it?

These are difficult waters to navigate. 

What do you all think?

At the Cemetery

This past Saturday, as I was driving around running errands, Sylvana, my 7-year-old daughter in the back seat, calls out that she wants to go visit the tomb of my mother - NOW. 

Many of you know that my Mom died shortly before Sylvana was born.  I’ve spoken to Sylvana often about my mother, her taita in Lebanese, about how she was in person, the things she liked to do, casually adding that she was now a star in the sky.  That explanation always seemed to satisfy her, so I never offered any more.

“Why now?” I asked.

“Because I just saw some tombs and I want to see where she is,” she answered.

I looked out my rearview mirror, and saw the old church she was referring to, and the cemetery alongside it filled with ancient-looking stones.  I had never taken her to a cemetery and so didn’t know she had made that association with death.  “She’s not buried there,” I said.  “Besides, I have so many things to do today.  We’ll do it another day.”

“No, now!” Was the immediate response.  No matter how I tried to reason with her, she wouldn’t budge. “We’ll see,” I finally said, the parent code for no. 

We arrived at the store and as soon we stepped out, Sylvana rushed to the pots of flowers lining one of the entrance walls.  She picked out a small pot with unusual peach-colored baby roses.  “Your mom will like these,” she declared, handing me the pot, and heading towards the entrance.

At this point, I stopped.  One of my Mom’s favourite flowers was baby roses.  Maybe there was something for me there after all.  I also thought it would be a good opportunity to speak about death, to remove the fear surrounding it.  In recent months, Sylvana has been asking a lot about death, where we go when we die, wondering if we will die one day, wailing that she doesn’t want us to die.  My husband and I explained that we believed that the body may die but that our Spirit goes back to the stars, to always shine.  She pressed us, asking why we had to die.  All I could think to say at that moment was that we come here to have fun, to grow, to learn; but then it’s time to go back home, no matter how much fun we’ve had.  Just like vacation.  That seemed to somehow appease her, but I was certain this conversation wasn’t over. 

We returned home because Sylvana wanted to draw something for my Mom.  By the time she was done, we had seven, small black pieces of paper exploding with vibrant colour, mostly drawings of happy faces and hearts, and one mandala (a drawing inside a circle, typically Tibetan) - “because your Mom doesn’t know what they are.” 

We packed our colorful bundle and drove out to the cemetery.  It was a lovely afternoon, one of those bright spring days with a hot sun and refreshing breeze.  I had the windows down and was listening to Sylvana singing with the radio, marveling at her improved English. 

I turned into the cemetery grounds and told her we were here. With the radio off, and the row upon row of tombstones, the mood became decidedly more somber.  “There are a lot of tombstones here, mommy.  Did all these people die?” she asked.

“Yes,” I answered.  We drove in silence, weaving through beautifully landscaped gardens and tree canopies.

“Look, mommy,” Sylvana exclaimed. “Angels!”

Every hair on my body stood on end.  “Where?” I asked, trying to hide my sudden trepidation with enthusiasm.

“They’re flying everywhere!” she went on. “Can’t you see them?”

I followed her gaze, and understood.  The rag weeds, the ones with the fluffy head, were floating all around us. In Spain, they represented angels, and whenever you saw them, it meant that angels were nearby.  “I do see them,” I said. “They’re beautiful.”

We followed the angels to my Mom’s tomb.  Sylvana ran her little fingers over the stone, reading aloud the words written there.  I cleared out dried bits of flowers, making space for the new flowers. Sylvana placed them where she wanted, and then proceeded to explain the order in which her drawings should go. I fastened them with some sticky putty, and then we stood back to admire the final product.

“I’m sorry your Mom is gone,” Sylvana said.

“Me too, honey,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, placing my arm around her shoulders.

“I know her Spirit is not here,” she went on, amazing me, unnerving me, with her clarity. “But do you think she’ll like what we brought her?”

“Oh, I think she will love them,” I said, “and that’s she’s smiling at both of us right now and sending us all her love.”

Sylvana smiled, then started skipping around the nearby fields. She picked some wildflowers and placed them on the tomb, humming a little tune to herself.  She walked around the other tombs, admiring the drawings or some aspect that fascinated her.  I followed her around, feeling such a sense of peace and calm, as if the angels themselves, or at least one in particular, were surrounding us in their embrace.

 I’m sure our conversations about death are far from over, but for now, at least some of the fear is gone, and there is room for an expanded, more beautiful, vision of death to enter.