Monday, July 19, 2021

Why we are Afraid to Surrender, Forgive and Love


Mony Dojeiji

I do a great deal of personal writing, much of it my way of working through whatever comes up for healing. I don’t share all my inner work but, in this case, I felt nudged to do so. Love is always nudging ๐Ÿ˜Š, wanting only to offer Its healing and peace to all. So, I am following Its call.

I was reflecting on ideas I was taught (with all the love and best intentions in the world): that I’m too trusting and too nice; that I need to be less naรฏve to survive in this world; that being kind and generous only gets you abused. The difficult experiences of my life – especially those around betrayal and trust – proved those ideas true and led me to over the years to harden my heart and dismiss the notion of ever forgiving the perpetrators of those acts. 

I was sitting with Spirit, looking at the residual guilt, shame, rage, blame and thoughts of victimhood. I felt my resistance, my unwillingness to let go of the belief that I am innocent and they are guilty. My mind kept replaying all the scenarios to justify my holding on to the anger, while Spirit patiently waited for me to loosen my grip.

At the same time I was going through this process, news came of the 67 Palestinian and 2 Israeli children killed in air attacks. A week later, the remains of 215 children were found on the grounds of a residential school in British Columbia (Canada). Then came the attack on a Muslim family out for an evening stroll that left only the child alive; followed by the discovery of another 751 unmarked graves, and now more, bringing the total to about 1500 children so far. 

It’s intense emotionally. It takes everything to stay anchored in Love and not to attack, condemn and judge.

It’s especially hard because there is something primal that’s triggered within us when we hear of children being abused, killed or harmed in any way. It is an attack on innocence and purity itself that our minds can make no sense of and that no explanation can bring our hearts any measure of peace.

It seemed odd to me that children dominated the news. I began to wonder if there was a connection between what was happening within me and what was showing up before me.

It turns out there was.

So, into the circle of all-enfolding Love I now enter, and invite you to come with me if you so feel called; to lay aside for a moment the anger and grief, all that we think we know about who we are, what’s happening, what we should do, why we’re here…and consider for a moment another way of looking at this situation that may bring us all some peace.

Let Love lead the way. 

Let healing begin with me.

If I accept that I am the source of what is happening in my world, then I must take responsibility for what I am seeing.

If I can’t do that – or even consider the possibility – then I must fear that doing so means opening a Pandora’s Box that jeopardizes the very foundations of my belief system. If I fear looking, then perhaps my foundations aren’t as strong as I’d like to believe. Perhaps it is here indeed that I need to take a closer look.

In the case of residential schools, we see the calls demanding justice, seeking punishment for the guilty, having them pay for what they have done. I so understand, and honour and respect the desire to have the pain finally being seen so that healing can begin. 

I appreciate the outer action…

But does the IDEA that somehow justified all these actions disappear? 

Of course not.

It’s in the collective consciousness, of which I am a part. 

If one person has this idea, we all have it.

It may take different forms, but the central IDEA remains the same:

We are different, and separate.

I can do whatever I want to you because I am more X than you, and you are less X than me. My way is best. I know best. You know nothing. In fact, you are nothing. 

This is an IDEA that feeds separation. The good news is that all ideas can be changed. That’s why all minds can be changed. Nothing is fixed. Nothing is immutable.

Except Love. It is the only truth.

That’s why it can begin with me, in my own mind, in my own heart. Whatever I’m willing to challenge and heal within my own mind and heart will be healed in the collective. 

Because the truth is we are One.

This IDEA that we are separate wants to keep me (the “innocent” victim) condemning the “guilty” perpetrator. It insists that I cannot be loving to all. I cannot be kind. I cannot forgive acts that are unforgiveable. I cannot speak of love, or of a Creator who loves all equally. I cannot speak of the truth of our spiritual nature. I cannot go in peace without taking sides. I cannot be a friend to all. I cannot see the light and beauty and grace in all. I cannot speak of unity and brotherhood… 

Because to do so only gets you killed.

This IDEA now brings me proof and witnesses of all kind to demonstrate just how real and how right *it* is:

Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Yitzhak Rabin, John Lennon, most of the disciples of Jesus… and, of course, Jesus himself, the Prince of Peace.

And now, the children. The ultimate symbols of innocence.

All of them witnesses to keep me anchored in separation, in attack, in judgment, in condemnation and the IDEA that:

Being innocent and loving only gets you killed; and 

Those who abuse will do whatever it takes to maintain their power.

The remedy *it* proposes? 

Be tough. Defend yourself. Attack them before they attack you. Never forget what they did. Never forgive them. Be angry. Be vengeful. Look out for yourself and your own interests. Be strong so that they can never hurt you. Build more walls. Definitely harden your heart, and don’t believe anything that speaks of love or forgiveness because love only gets you killed and forgiveness is for the weak.

Any adult who has witnessed or suffered abuse can see these being the response of the wounded child; which is why these stories with children are so triggering.

This is why we are afraid to open our hearts.

We have ideas and beliefs that have morphed into traumas and fears that show us the consequences of being innocent or loving.

And the world is showing us example after example of exactly what we believe.

So, yes, by all means, with as much love, compassion and forgiveness as we can muster, let us address the outer situation with the residential schools;

But to truly heal – to truly be free – let us also have the courage to look WITHIN to the source of all these experiences.

This is perhaps the hardest part of the work; to accept that with my (often subconscious) beliefs and fears I am contributing to what I am seeing. See my June 6 post below.  I am projecting those fears and beliefs into the world; and they show up in forms infinite to confirm exactly what I believe, and to convince me of the futility of surrender, forgiveness and love.

It can feel daunting, overwhelming. And it would be insurmountable indeed if I believed I was doing this healing work alone. 

We are not alone. Ever. This moment, as always, is calling us to lean on the One who can heal these ideas of separation and bring us back to wholeness. Individually and collectively.

This is the true meaning of reconciliation: to make whole. 

There is no evil. Only a veil. (That’s a play on words.)

This veil through which I live (another play on words!) has a simple correction.

The I in which I live is made whole in love. (Switch out the letter I for the letter O).

When we allow Love to transform the mind that believes in “I”, we are transformed. We are made whole. We become One in Love.

From here, I offer this prayer:

“Father-Mother God – Creator of All – I come to You, bringing my grief, my confusion and all the burdens of my heart and mind.

I place them in the sacred fire of Your altar which is Love; 

And watch Love’s alchemy heal what I alone cannot heal.

Thank You.

Creator, help me correct this error in my mind so that I may have peace in my heart; so that I may know from You what is mine to do.

I am willing to see things differently. I am willing to understand.

I am your beloved Child. We are Your beloved Child.

In Your eyes, I am (we are) Innocent, Pure, Radiant, Joy-filled, One with you… and that will never change, no matter what I (we) choose to think, because that is what You are; and I am (we are) Your creation.

Help me forgive myself this error in my thinking that tries to convince me I am separate from You, from my brothers-sisters and all life.

Remove the veils that stop me from seeing my brother-sister as You see them.

Help me wake up from this dream of my own making.

Help me remember and accept the truth of what I am.

Help me remember and accept the truth of Your love for me, and all my brothers-sisters.

Help me remember and accept that I am safe with You.

All Your children are safe with You.

For Love is all there is.


May these words be of service ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’–


P.S. Please share if you feel called to do so.

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#monydojeiji #walkingforpeace #spirit #spiritualawakening #innerchild #innerwork #innerjourney #healingtrauma #innerhealing #acim Alberto Agraso #spiritual #WeAreOne #loveistheonlytruth #loveistheway #hooponopono

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