Why we are Afraid to Surrender, Forgive and Love

 

Mony Dojeiji

I do a great deal of personal writing, much of it my way of working through whatever comes up for healing. I don’t share all my inner work but, in this case, I felt nudged to do so. Love is always nudging 😊, wanting only to offer Its healing and peace to all. So, I am following Its call.

I was reflecting on ideas I was taught (with all the love and best intentions in the world): that I’m too trusting and too nice; that I need to be less naïve to survive in this world; that being kind and generous only gets you abused. The difficult experiences of my life – especially those around betrayal and trust – proved those ideas true and led me to over the years to harden my heart and dismiss the notion of ever forgiving the perpetrators of those acts. 

I was sitting with Spirit, looking at the residual guilt, shame, rage, blame and thoughts of victimhood. I felt my resistance, my unwillingness to let go of the belief that I am innocent and they are guilty. My mind kept replaying all the scenarios to justify my holding on to the anger, while Spirit patiently waited for me to loosen my grip.

At the same time I was going through this process, news came of the 67 Palestinian and 2 Israeli children killed in air attacks. A week later, the remains of 215 children were found on the grounds of a residential school in British Columbia (Canada). Then came the attack on a Muslim family out for an evening stroll that left only the child alive; followed by the discovery of another 751 unmarked graves, and now more, bringing the total to about 1500 children so far. 

It’s intense emotionally. It takes everything to stay anchored in Love and not to attack, condemn and judge.

It’s especially hard because there is something primal that’s triggered within us when we hear of children being abused, killed or harmed in any way. It is an attack on innocence and purity itself that our minds can make no sense of and that no explanation can bring our hearts any measure of peace.

It seemed odd to me that children dominated the news. I began to wonder if there was a connection between what was happening within me and what was showing up before me.

It turns out there was.

So, into the circle of all-enfolding Love I now enter, and invite you to come with me if you so feel called; to lay aside for a moment the anger and grief, all that we think we know about who we are, what’s happening, what we should do, why we’re here…and consider for a moment another way of looking at this situation that may bring us all some peace.

Let Love lead the way. 

Let healing begin with me.

If I accept that I am the source of what is happening in my world, then I must take responsibility for what I am seeing.

If I can’t do that – or even consider the possibility – then I must fear that doing so means opening a Pandora’s Box that jeopardizes the very foundations of my belief system. If I fear looking, then perhaps my foundations aren’t as strong as I’d like to believe. Perhaps it is here indeed that I need to take a closer look.

In the case of residential schools, we see the calls demanding justice, seeking punishment for the guilty, having them pay for what they have done. I so understand, and honour and respect the desire to have the pain finally being seen so that healing can begin. 

I appreciate the outer action…

But does the IDEA that somehow justified all these actions disappear? 

Of course not.

It’s in the collective consciousness, of which I am a part. 

If one person has this idea, we all have it.

It may take different forms, but the central IDEA remains the same:

We are different, and separate.

I can do whatever I want to you because I am more X than you, and you are less X than me. My way is best. I know best. You know nothing. In fact, you are nothing. 

This is an IDEA that feeds separation. The good news is that all ideas can be changed. That’s why all minds can be changed. Nothing is fixed. Nothing is immutable.

Except Love. It is the only truth.

That’s why it can begin with me, in my own mind, in my own heart. Whatever I’m willing to challenge and heal within my own mind and heart will be healed in the collective. 

Because the truth is we are One.

This IDEA that we are separate wants to keep me (the “innocent” victim) condemning the “guilty” perpetrator. It insists that I cannot be loving to all. I cannot be kind. I cannot forgive acts that are unforgiveable. I cannot speak of love, or of a Creator who loves all equally. I cannot speak of the truth of our spiritual nature. I cannot go in peace without taking sides. I cannot be a friend to all. I cannot see the light and beauty and grace in all. I cannot speak of unity and brotherhood… 

Because to do so only gets you killed.

This IDEA now brings me proof and witnesses of all kind to demonstrate just how real and how right *it* is:

Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Yitzhak Rabin, John Lennon, most of the disciples of Jesus… and, of course, Jesus himself, the Prince of Peace.

And now, the children. The ultimate symbols of innocence.

All of them witnesses to keep me anchored in separation, in attack, in judgment, in condemnation and the IDEA that:

Being innocent and loving only gets you killed; and 

Those who abuse will do whatever it takes to maintain their power.

The remedy *it* proposes? 

Be tough. Defend yourself. Attack them before they attack you. Never forget what they did. Never forgive them. Be angry. Be vengeful. Look out for yourself and your own interests. Be strong so that they can never hurt you. Build more walls. Definitely harden your heart, and don’t believe anything that speaks of love or forgiveness because love only gets you killed and forgiveness is for the weak.

Any adult who has witnessed or suffered abuse can see these being the response of the wounded child; which is why these stories with children are so triggering.

This is why we are afraid to open our hearts.

We have ideas and beliefs that have morphed into traumas and fears that show us the consequences of being innocent or loving.

And the world is showing us example after example of exactly what we believe.

So, yes, by all means, with as much love, compassion and forgiveness as we can muster, let us address the outer situation with the residential schools;

But to truly heal – to truly be free – let us also have the courage to look WITHIN to the source of all these experiences.

This is perhaps the hardest part of the work; to accept that with my (often subconscious) beliefs and fears I am contributing to what I am seeing. See my June 6 post below.  I am projecting those fears and beliefs into the world; and they show up in forms infinite to confirm exactly what I believe, and to convince me of the futility of surrender, forgiveness and love.

It can feel daunting, overwhelming. And it would be insurmountable indeed if I believed I was doing this healing work alone. 

We are not alone. Ever. This moment, as always, is calling us to lean on the One who can heal these ideas of separation and bring us back to wholeness. Individually and collectively.

This is the true meaning of reconciliation: to make whole. 

There is no evil. Only a veil. (That’s a play on words.)

This veil through which I live (another play on words!) has a simple correction.

The I in which I live is made whole in love. (Switch out the letter I for the letter O).

When we allow Love to transform the mind that believes in “I”, we are transformed. We are made whole. We become One in Love.

From here, I offer this prayer:

“Father-Mother God – Creator of All – I come to You, bringing my grief, my confusion and all the burdens of my heart and mind.

I place them in the sacred fire of Your altar which is Love; 

And watch Love’s alchemy heal what I alone cannot heal.

Thank You.

Creator, help me correct this error in my mind so that I may have peace in my heart; so that I may know from You what is mine to do.

I am willing to see things differently. I am willing to understand.

I am your beloved Child. We are Your beloved Child.

In Your eyes, I am (we are) Innocent, Pure, Radiant, Joy-filled, One with you… and that will never change, no matter what I (we) choose to think, because that is what You are; and I am (we are) Your creation.

Help me forgive myself this error in my thinking that tries to convince me I am separate from You, from my brothers-sisters and all life.

Remove the veils that stop me from seeing my brother-sister as You see them.

Help me wake up from this dream of my own making.

Help me remember and accept the truth of what I am.

Help me remember and accept the truth of Your love for me, and all my brothers-sisters.

Help me remember and accept that I am safe with You.

All Your children are safe with You.

For Love is all there is.

Amen.”

May these words be of service 💖🙏💖

~Mony 

P.S. Please share if you feel called to do so.

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#monydojeiji #walkingforpeace #spirit #spiritualawakening #innerchild #innerwork #innerjourney #healingtrauma #innerhealing #acim Alberto Agraso #spiritual #WeAreOne #loveistheonlytruth #loveistheway #hooponopono

To Mask or not to Mask

Mony... and the Mask!

That seems to be the question these days, as the mere mention of the word brings up so many emotions, so many guttural reactions, so many beliefs!

And in this space that appears so divisive, I see a grand opportunity for liberation, for transformation, for love to enter.

As always, let it begin with me.

At the core of these conversations seems to be our beliefs about FREEDOM:

That, as a free person, I have the right to decide what is best for me, and no external force can make me do anything I don’t want. The virus isn’t dangerous, we’re all going to be infected anyways, and even if I did believe in the virus, my faith/ immunity/ body are strong enough to handle it.

vs.

As a free person, what I do for myself impacts others – no matter what I believe – because with freedom, comes responsibility to the community that we all share. What affects one, affects all.

This is all – once again – the outer manifestation of an inner conflict that just happens to be playing out right now in the conversation about masks. I’m sure similar inner dialogues happened when helmets, seat belts, vaccinations, etc. were introduced.

As I now turn my attention away from the outer world of effect, to my inner world of cause, I ask myself:

Why is wearing a mask so triggering to me?

The answer to this question will be unique to the person answering it. I don’t know the original cause for it and, to me anyways, it doesn’t matter. Whether the original trauma happened in this lifetime or another, my childhood or adolescence… what matters NOW is that I acknowledge that the trauma is within me, playing out like a record-on-repeat, triggering emotions in me that are making me respond in one way or another.

It is at this level that I do the inner work. Again, today it’s a mask triggering me. Tomorrow, it will be something else. I’d rather do the work of healing now.

Freedom is the gift given to us by a God Love. Each soul here on this Earth is inherently free, because that is the nature of God. That is the nature of the universe and all creatures and creations. It is a universe that is in continual expansion fueled, in my opinion, by love.

I get that we don’t want anything that limits our freedom.

But if we look at our Mother Earth, at the wisdom of Nature, at the plant and animal kingdoms, we see that relationships among its members are often symbiotic. The members care for each other and, in so doing, ensure the health and well-being of all and of the ecosystem that supports them all.

Humans are no different. We are wired to care. We are wired to love. We are wired to look after one another. That IS our true nature, given to us by a Creator whose nature IS this.

What gets in the way of the natural expressing of that brotherly relationship are ideas that we have learned that somehow:

To love is to lose.

To offer is to be deprived.

To belong is to disappear.

Even if I don’t buy into the symbiotic nature of our existence and I believe myself to be the master – all on my own – of my own domain, then how can anything outside of me imprison or suppress me?

If I hold the idea that some outside political, social, economic force is trying to control me, suffocate me, silence me, lie to me, manipulate me…. then I have already muzzled myself by that belief. Not only by projecting that belief, but by interpreting everything I see through its lens. Of course this will be my experience. It’s what I believe. And what I believe, I will see.

I appreciate that removing the mask feels like I’m removing the very symbol of what’s trying to silence me.

But if I were truly free, no face covering would trigger me.

And all the outcries that we see are the acting out of the anger and guilt that we feel at our own self-imposed imprisonment.

There is nothing and no one in this world that can give – or take away – the state of being called FREEDOM. It is an inner state.

Freedom is of the mind that knows the truth, unwavering, of who it is.

Freedom is of the heart, awakened in love and compassion, which only wishes to extend itself into the world.

Freedom is of the spirit, which is already free, and doesn’t need to prove that to anyone else.

The ultimate freedom is freedom from the illusions of this world:

The knowing that I am always one with my Creator. That I am loved, and forgiven. That nothing in this world can bind me. That when I am bound to God Love, I am free, for nothing that is asked of me in this material world (be it a mask, confinement, social distancing, a vaccine, a law…) can affect the knowing that I am already – now and forevermore – free.

Alberto and I wear masks when we enter any indoor space. Why?

Because, to us, that is the most loving thing we can do at this time; to not add to the anxiety, tension and divisiveness that we see. We know who we are, and Who is with us, in every moment. A mask will not change that.

To us, this is the meaning of the teaching by Jesus: I render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s (i.e. the mask, what is of the world), and render to God the things that are God’s (my freedom, what is of the Spirit).

In fact, when we go into a store, we remind ourselves of that. And that we are here not to defend against a virus, but to leave seeds of light, of peace and love, of wisdom, of consciousness… with whoever we see and in every aisle that we walk. This is all inner work. This is all light-work, and has nothing to do with what we see in the outer world as a virus.

When we feel that we are losing that feeling of oneness and connection – because, hello, we are still human! – we go home. We go inwards again, and recommit to the inner union.

A grand opportunity for healing and transformation is before us once again. We can take up the task of clearing those beliefs that veil the light and love that we are. Or we can keep the veil in place, believing that something outside of us is trying to hurt us.

And while we decide, Love always waits. Ever patient. Ever extending a hand to help us walk through this “darkness” to the other side where only light exists. Where only love is real. Where brotherhood is the only truth.

Love, always 💖🙏
Mony

BTW, all credit to Alberto for the inspired Hamlet reference in this pic! 😁

And yes, please feel free to share!

#monydojeiji #walkingforpeace #consciousness #mask #COVID19 #love #freedom #free #WeAreOne #brotherhood #transformation #healing #light #lightworkers 

Healer, Heal Thyself

Mony Dojeiji reflection on healing

If there is nothing out there, then who is out there to heal?

I have pondered this question often, and have hesitated sharing my reflections because I have friends and family who are healers in all fields – medical, psychological, spiritual – and it is terrain that I respect and honour.

When I began my journey of awakening, I read everything related to healing. I was studying to go to medical school, even though it wasn’t really my passion or calling. But I had an interest in the human body, which led me to exploring what healing and wholeness means beyond the domain of the physical body.

As I understood that we are essentially energy, I began working with energy, directing it through me into my hands to whoever requested it. I was always clear, however, that I was merely the conduit and that the Energy (which I understood to be Love) knew exactly what it needed to do. My only role was to allow it to flow, as openly and purely as possible, unobstructed by my expectations and ideas about healing.

But as my own spiritual practice deepened, and as I began to understand that what I was seeing in my world was a PROJECTION of my inner world onto the screen of my life, I began to ask that difficult question:

If I’m the source of what’s in my experience, then what is this person with illness (cancer, diabetes, disorders, trauma, etc.) doing in my life?

Where is this projection coming from? And why?

To look within ME as the SOURCE of the “sick people” in my life shook me to the core and was a radical shift in my thinking because it was suggesting that:

The person in my life with cancer? I put them there.

The person with severe anxiety and trauma? I put them there.

The person who only spoke of illness and disease? I put them there.

It felt ridiculous to even consider that I would be putting these people in my life, in my experience. Why would I do that? What possible motive could I have?

To acknowledge, let alone accept and take 100% responsibility for this, has been a journey all its own!

Every so slowly, however, I began to unravel their purpose – their loving purpose – and the incredible gift these individuals were offering me, simply by showing up in my life.

They are the agents through which I am able to see and free the pain inside me.

And in liberating myself, I liberate them.

The deeply-rooted traumas, beliefs, programs, memories that I have around health and wholeness and WHO I AM are buried in my subconscious – way beyond the reach of my everyday mind.

When I feel afraid, impatient, dismissive, judgmental, distant, withholding, filled with tragedy – the range of emotions that show up when I’m with those individuals – that’s my clue that these subconscious programs are knocking on the door of my heart and asking to be freed. To be whole. To be returned to Love.

These individuals have taken on the loving task of showing me all the blockages to wholeness that exist within me, so that I may love them (the blockages) free.

And there is nothing in this Universe that I can Love free that isn’t freed everywhere.

Because we are all connected. We are all One.

Is there anything more loving that I can do to honour the precious gift of their presence - their True Self - than to do the inner work of healing the trauma at its source, which is within me?

That, to me, is how Love – and healing – works.

It’s a big task, for it requires me to be constantly in the present moment, aware of – and completely accepting of – whoever shows up in my experience.

If I see news about someone with cancer or any other illness, I am already clearing within me.

If I meet someone who tells me of their difficulties (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), I’m clearing.

When someone comes to see me for a personal session, I’m clearing before I even see them.

I’m clearing within ME (in my subconscious mind) whatever has brought them into my experience, whatever binds us in less-than-wholeness. I do this work in the silence of my heart, and in connection with Spirit.

When I am with this person – if I need to be with them at all – I am fully present. I know my spaces are filled with Love. And that the energies that need to come through me at the moment – be they in words or in stillness – are Perfect.

That's the only healing work I do today. There is nothing out there.

Can you imagine what would happen if we all did this within ourselves for the “sick” people in our lives? If all healers did this inner work before even seeing a patient? Would the patients even still be sick?

So many questions to ponder… and revelations to be made on this journey.

Love, always. 🙏💞
Mony

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#monydojeiji #walkingforpeace #consciousness #healing #healer #nothingoutthere #love